The Baby Shower

She taught me to never wear different shades of black at the same. That's just tacky.

Get your hair cut every 3-4 months whether you think it needs it or not.

If you mix the caramel and hot fudge sundaes from McDonalds- it tastes like a giant Snickers.

Clipping your nails does not exempt you from filing them.

Skirts are not evil.

Yes, it's silly to waste precious tears on the wrong boy. But it's still okay to cry.

Middle school math can be fun- especially when your tutor takes you to old town Occoquan, VA for ice cream out of the blue in the middle of a lesson.

Patience, patience, patience- with a "dash" of sarcasm.

Hand me downs are the best thing ever!

If you're in trouble with your mom, iron extra laundry- being salty will get you nowhere when you're under the age of 18.

The best baby sitters let you pick a sticker before you go home.

Child hood productions of "Mickey's Christmas Carol" for your parents are essential. Even if there's only 4 of you. And the best prop you have is a fuzzy blanket for a cape.

Dogs look even cuter in sweaters. Pink sweaters.

Shave your legs only to the point where people can see them- oh wait that's me. She's the punk that rubs my leg in the middle of church and laughs. THANKS BUDDY.

Nothing says I love you like a mixtape (Less Than Jake and Big Bad Voo Doo Daddies). They're even better when you record a message at the end as a surprise (Real McCoy tape of 1995).

Baby Peach, Baby Plum, Baby Pumpernickel. Embrace it!

All the buttons must be done on Joey's vest and every little girl needs a present-opening coordinator at their birthday party.

Family. Always and Forever.

Congratulations! Can't wait for June!


I love you Zana.